Letting Your Husband Lead

Note~I originally ran this post in October, 2012.  Submission in marriage is a topic that I feel is very important in a strong marriage (something I have learned the hard way and continue to work on).  I am again posting this as part of my anniversary week posts on marrriage.  I pray that this post will lead other women to take a step back and allow their husbands to lead their families. 

Hubby and I on our wedding day 19 years ago!  We didn't have a clue about anything then!


"Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord." 1Thessalonians 3:18

I admit, this is an area I didn't understand when hubby and I were first married.  In fact, I can honestly say it wasn't until recently that I understood this concept in our marriage.

As a child, my father was a truck driver.  He was gone during the week, and only home on weekends.  My mother was the leader of our home, even on the weekends when dad was home.  What was modeled to me during my growing up years was that mom was in charge~~period.  I did not come from a christian home, and had no idea that God has a plan for both man and woman in marriage.

When I first got married, I wanted to let my husband know that I was a valuable asset to our marriage.  I didn't understand what it meant to submit to my husband.  So I tried to show him how I could do anything he could do~~maybe even better.  What I didn't realize was that I was hurting him and degrading him as the leader of our home.  I would not know then what an impact this would have on us as a couple and a family.  Sadly, I wouldn't realize my mistakes until much, much later.

Ladies, our husbands want nothing as much as they want to be our protector and provider.  They want to know that we need them in our lives.  Let your husband start leading you and your children.  Go to him and ask his advice on things~and listen to him.   My husband will often have no opinion either way on trivial things, but I've asked his advice and this lets him know I value his opinion.  Get him involved in things like budgeting, grocery shopping and meal planning.  If you homeschool, make sure he is involved in that process.  Most importantly, pray!  Pray that your husband would seek God's will for his life and his family.  Even if your husband doesn't want to lead or take charge of the family, you can pray that God would change his heart.  A praying wife can lead to many wonderful changes.  Know that you alone can't make your husband lead your family~only God can do that.  You can do your part to make sure that you are stepping back and allowing your husband to make that change.  He may make some mistakes along the way, but know that God is refining him to be the man that He desires.

Have a great day!

Blessings,

A Letter To A 19 Year Old Bride {Myself}

Dear Jess,

Today is one of the happiest days of your life.  Yes, I know you think it is THE happiest day of your life, but let me tell you, the best is yet to come!  I know it's your special day, but I wanted to take a few minutes to let you know a few things.

Today you will walk down that isle, holding onto Dad's arm, and step into the arms of the man who will hold you for the rest of your life.  Those arms will hold you in many good times and a few hard times as well.  Those broad shoulders and outstretched arms are made just for you.  Embrace them {literally!} and enjoy the warmth and support they give.

One of the greatest gifts you can give to your marriage is finding a mentor.  An "older" woman to teach you how to be a help~meet to your husband.  You may not understand the importance of this right now, but it will have a lasting effect on your marriage.  Read Titus 2:3-5 and then pray for God to lead you in this area. 

Marriage will not always be easy.  There will be times you look at your sweet new husband and wonder what planet he just fell off of!   Take these times to God in prayer, and pray with each other.  Don't wait several years to learn the importance of prayer time with each other and for each other.  Start right now.  Pray that God will help you to become the wife He would want for you to be.  Cover your marriage and husband in prayer.  It really will make a difference.

Never stop working on your marriage.  Continue to date one another.  Don't think now that the wedding is over, dating must end.  It is so important to spend time each week connecting with one another.  Communicate with each other.  Let each other know how you feel, but do so in a non judgemental, loving way.  Never stop doing this.  Even when the kids come, the mortgage is due, and life's challenges are hitting hard~make it a point to place each other first in your lives.

Enjoy your new life.  Enjoy each day and live each day to the fullest.  Keep anger and bitterness away.  Let love fill each minute of each hour of each day.  Soon you will wake up and find you've been married for 20 years.  It may seem like a long way away, but it will be here sooner than you think!

" Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."  1 Corinthians 13:4-7

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is LOVE."  1 Corinthians 13:13

Love,

Jess



**As a side note, I printed copies of this out to give to our daughters on their wedding day.  Seems appropriate for that date as well!**

20 Things I Have Learned In 20 years!

As part of my celebration of our 20th wedding anniversary, I'm sharing with you a few things I've learned about both marriage and my hubby along the way!  Some I learned the hard way, others came more easily.

1. Marriage is never easy, but always worth it!
2. Love really does grow stronger as time goes by.
3. Hubby is not always right, but neither am I {one of the hard learned lessons}!
4. I am looking forward to the years when we are both old and gray, and will be able to look at our future generations.
5. The time to have a deep conversation is NOT when the Packers are playing or when a Nascar race is on.
6. Watching a man try to conform to the will of God is a wonderful sight.
7. That it is easier to just put the seat down myself~and believe that this is just part of God's will for women!
8. That family vacations MUST hit the road no later than 4 AM!
9. That my man shows his love for me and other's differently than I do.  And that is OK.
10. There is no better sight than to see our baby sleeping soundly on my hubby's chest.
11. When a man doesn't like vegetables, he won't eat them.  Stop trying to make him by telling him to do it for the kids!
12. Apologize! {'nuff said!}
13. Making the bed is just not on his "to~do" list.  He doesn't understand why anyone would spend time arranging the bed, just so you can jump into it again and mess it all up again!
14. Husbands are given a measure of wisdom that will grow only if us wives let it.
15. I will never have to kill a spider!
16. Doing the little things will bless my husband.  Things like having the house picked up when he gets home, picking up something for him at the hardware store, or making his favorite meal will let him know he is important to me.
17. A little encouragement will last a long time.
18. Communication is very important.  It sometimes takes a lot of effort, but we just can't read each other's minds.
19. Learning each other's love language is so very helpful.  I encourage all newly married couples to learn this right away in marriage.  It really will make a difference in your marriage.
20. I am very blessed to have my hubby in my life.

Blessings,

It's Anniversary Week!

Most years, I just get an anniversary day.  This year I'm prolonging it into a week!  That's because this week is our 20th wedding anniversary!

When we got married, I thought I knew everything I would need to know.  I loved my husband, I knew how to clean a house and cook {semi} decent meals.  We were going to buy a house, have kids and live happily ever after!  Well...I guess we did things pretty much like that, but life hasn't been as sweet as I imagined it to be!

There have been struggles and trials along the way, but I am glad that God had chosen my hubby to be mine for the rest of our lives.  I wouldn't want it any other way.

Join me this week as I take a look at marriage and what makes it work.  I certainly don't have all the answers!   What I do have is a desire to have a great marriage and live "happily ever after"!

Blessings,

A Child Like Faith

I am amazed and humbled by my children more often than not.  These small creatures have the ability to stop me in my tracks and call me out on an area I am lacking in.  It is usually when I am tired or frustrated over something.  It is usually because I am saying something in "THAT" tone.  Yes, that tone!.  The one that tells my children that I am not really loving them that much right now. 

Mamma is frustrated and spewing bad attitude all over the place!

Yet, these little ones look at me with innocence in their eyes and are unable to figure out why I am angry with them or their siblings.  Our 3 year old is usually the child to set me straight.  If I am angry with one of his siblings, he will come up to me and simply state, "but mommy, he's/she's my friend". 

What do you do with that?

This child doesn't care that his sibling just did something I consider not to be right.  He's/she is his friend!  If he can look past the offense, why can't I?

Why Can't I?

Because I am stuck in an unforgiving attitude.  I am still upset about something, and I just can't let it go.  I need to stew about it for a while longer. 

And this accomplishes what, exactly?

Good question! 

When we go to God and ask for forgiveness, He certainly doesn't act this way.  He doesn't sulk in a chair, or make sure everyone knows how He has been wronged.  He doesn't hold a grudge or become crabby.

For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more. Hebrews 8:12

All is forgiven.  I am forgiven.  And He will remember it no more.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.  1 John 1:9

So, I am thankful that God has blessed me with these little souls.  And I will remember that what is important is that they are my "friends".  I will forgive their sins, and remember it no more.  What a blessing to have a child like faith.

Blessings,