Monday, January 13, 2014

Judging Other Moms

I remember the day hubby and I got married.  While we had our pictures taken, some of our family members were waiting in the sanctuary of the church.   As we stood smiling for the camera and eagerly anticipating our new life together, our nephews were running through the church.  Yep, running.  Like crazy monkeys!  They were 2 and 3.  I remember looking up into my new hubby's loving eyes and saying...

 "Our kids will NEVER act like that!"

Fast forward a few years and we were in the trenches of parenthood.  And you guessed it...our kids were now the crazy monkeys!  You know, the ones running up and down the isle at the grocery store. 

I shamefully admit that over the years I've been judging other moms.  When you don't know what is going on in their lives, it is so easy to pass judgement on them.   I would look at that mom at the checkout in the grocery store.  I would see her child throwing a fit and I would think..."that mom clearly needs to discipline her child".    Or I would see the child who gets everything she wants, the best clothes, toys, and gadgets and I would think she's just spoiled.

I've found a new way of looking at other moms.  Our autistic son gave me a new lens to see through.  You see, when I look at those moms~whether in the grocery store, the park, or even church~I really don't know what is going on in their lives.  What I see as a child throwing a tantrum because he can't have a piece of candy may really be a child with sensory issues who can't control his emotions with all the sights, sounds and smells going on around him.   And an exhausted mom who knew this outing would cause distress, but had no choice but to take him along.

We don't know that daddy just left that family to fight for our freedom.  We don't know that mom is struggling with self confidence and has no support system.  We don't know that grandma has moved in because it is no longer safe for her to be alone.  We don't know that a family is on the brink of financial ruin.   In my case, no one knew that my son was struggling with extreme behavior issues because of his autism and that it was creating chaos in our entire family.  I felt confused, hurt, angry, and alone.  Many times it was because someone has passed judgment on my parenting and I felt I had no where to turn.

We moms go through so many emotions each day, and we don't need to be passing misplaced judgment on each other.  When I see a mom in a situation where I would have passed judgment, I now start praying for that mom.  Yes, in the grocery store, park, church, or wherever.  God knows their situation and can get them through it. 

Judging other moms won't do that!


Homestead For Him now has a Facebook page.  Like what you see here, won't you like my page?!  Click the like button on the sidebar or go HERE!!


  1. Amen sister!!! I too was like that before becoming a mother, but then you realize you never really know what's going on. And even if you did, it's not our place to judge, only to support one another!
    Stopping by from the Thrive at Home link up!

  2. Great post! I'm expecting my first, and I've already had little patience with the judging. A few years ago I was working as a cashier at Target and there was a screaming baby somewhere in the store and a woman said "If you can't control your child, you should leave them at home!" and I was like... "Really? This is Target. They might need stuff. They probably don't have someone to watch their kid every time they need to buy stuff" and she was like humph "Then they should get a babysitter!" Um. Right. And then like earlier I was watching kids play at a church event and they were laughing and chasing each other and it made me smile.. and a group of church ladies whose kids were teens or older were like "Humph, some people have no discipline over their kids!" and then the children ran up to them and they were all smiles and you'd never know what they just said. Sigh. I don't know. This stuff drives me crazy. Actually you know what? I think you're inspiring a blog post... lol.

  3. I used to be in the "judging" boat too... back before I had kids. And now God has opened my eyes to the reality of motherhood. Ironically, in my experience it's been mostly non-parents passing the judgment on parents because they don't know what it's like to be a mom or dad (that's not a judgment, just a fact). It would do us well to remember that we can't judge a person or family based on one incident at the grocery store.

  4. Yes! Thank you for sharing this at Thrive @ Home Thursday. :)

  5. I am learning this lesson oh so slowly. I have had to 'eat' my words all too often. Thank you for sharing this lesson with us! Stopping by from Wholehearted Home

  6. I am saddened to say that I have been on of those judging moms in the past. Now I have "that" child. Without knowing his background it would be easy to judge and jump to conclusions. God has used him to speak to my heart and have much more empathy and love for others, now that I am "that other" mom! Beautiful post, Jess!

  7. There is so much wisdom here! Yes, I was one of those judgemental people too. I think even after having children it's easy to fall into the comparison trap. Yet none of us are perfect and we all would thrive so much more with grace and encouragement surrounding us from our fellow mums. Great reminder here!
    Thanks for sharing at Essential Fridays.
    Mel from Essential Thing Devotions


I love to hear your comments! In the spirit of encouraging others, please do not leave comments that are offensive or hurtful. Thanks for stopping by!