Friday, May 17, 2013

Letting Your Husband Lead

Note~I originally ran this post in October, 2012.  Submission in marriage is a topic that I feel is very important in a strong marriage (something I have learned the hard way and continue to work on).  I am again posting this as part of my anniversary week posts on marriage.  I pray that this post will lead other women to take a step back and allow their husbands to lead their families. 
Hubby and I on our wedding day 19 years ago!  We didn't have a clue about anything then!

"Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord." 1Thessalonians 3:18

I admit, this is an area I didn't understand when hubby and I were first married.  In fact, I can honestly say it wasn't until recently that I understood this concept in our marriage.

As a child, my father was a truck driver.  He was gone during the week, and only home on weekends.  My mother was the leader of our home, even on the weekends when dad was home.  What was modeled to me during my growing up years was that mom was in charge~~period.  I did not come from a christian home, and had no idea that God has a plan for both man and woman in marriage.

When I first got married, I wanted to let my husband know that I was a valuable asset to our marriage.  I didn't understand what it meant to submit to my husband.  So I tried to show him how I could do anything he could do~~maybe even better.  What I didn't realize was that I was hurting him and degrading him as the leader of our home.  I would not know then what an impact this would have on us as a couple and a family.  Sadly, I wouldn't realize my mistakes until much, much later.

Ladies, our husbands want nothing as much as they want to be our protector and provider.  They want to know that we need them in our lives.  Let your husband start leading you and your children.  Go to him and ask his advice on things~and listen to him.   My husband will often have no opinion either way on trivial things, but I've asked his advice and this lets him know I value his opinion.  Get him involved in things like budgeting, grocery shopping and meal planning.  If you homeschool, make sure he is involved in that process.  Most importantly, pray!  Pray that your husband would seek God's will for his life and his family.  Even if your husband doesn't want to lead or take charge of the family, you can pray that God would change his heart.  A praying wife can lead to many wonderful changes.  Know that you alone can't make your husband lead your family~only God can do that.  You can do your part to make sure that you are stepping back and allowing your husband to make that change.  He may make some mistakes along the way, but know that God is refining him to be the man that He desires.

Have a great day!

Blessings,

24 comments:

  1. It can be difficult to allow your husband to lead, can't it? Such an important lesson to learn...

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  2. I agree! Let your husband lead and if he is unwilling, prayer can change a lot of things. God bless you, and thank you for this post!

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  3. This was such a good honest story which will encourage many other women because so many of us didn't know anything about submission either!!

    Thanks for linking up this week over at WholeHearted Home.

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  4. We've done the big role switcharoo the last few years as well. Ahh...what a blessing to stop being the independent control freak that I once was! My husband is such a gentle and kind leader...praise God!

    Blessings to you!
    Mrs. Sarah Coller

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  5. If I acted all meek and stepped back like that, my husband would be repulsed, frustrated, and turned-off. He works very hard for us so I can stay home with my son and take care of our family. His job is very stressful, and he doesnt like to have to come home and make decisions all the time. He LOVES that I am in charge at home and has told me so many times. He says it is an absolute relief to him and a joy knowing that I can do it all. He is proud of all my acomplishments over the years and loves that we can work side-by-side - that I can do (nearly) all that he can do. We have many friends that are submissive like that, and my husband has always said "who would want a woman like that? They should just get a dog to boss around instead!" - believe me, a take-charge attitude is a HUGE turnon for a man. I would never degrade, humiliate, demasculinize, or otherwise debase my husband - his opinion and input are always welcome, heard, and valued - as are mine. You have somehow misunderstood your own value, and for that I am terribly sorry. Your husband must not be secure enough to deal with a woman who can decide and speak for herself - what a terrible shame and a total humiliation on your part.

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  6. Karrie~
    I think you misunderstood the point of this post. It sounds to me like you are already letting your husband lead. He has stated that he would like you to make more decisions at home, and that is what you are doing. God's Word lays out perfectly what role husbands and wives have in a marriage. Thanks for stopping by!
    Blessings,
    Jess

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  7. Thanks for this post! I was the oldest kid in my family..and naturally a leader, organizer, manager...so I definitely need to be aware of whether I am or am not submitting to my husband and allowing him to lead and fulfill his role and use his gifts, too!

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  8. This is a wonderful post! Thank you so much for sharing and linking up! Our husbands need our respect and want to lead the family! Each man leads differently, but it is their desire to lead! Blessings!

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  9. Jess...I loved your honesty and testimony. Thank you for the reminder and for sharing at WJIM this week. I'm excited to feature your post this week. Blessings.

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  10. You are such a good example of a Godly woman! I just found your sweet blog through the Beholding Glory linkup. Now following you via GFC and excited to read more! :)

    XO
    Erin

    sweetnessitself.blogspot.com

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  11. Oh my goodness this was SUCH a hard lesson for me to learn as well. I was raised to be able to take care of myself no matter what so I always relied on myself to do things. When i got married this did not change and it was hard for me to submit. I actually had NO idea how to do that. God has been showing me SO much in this area the past few years and it's really been awesome!

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  12. This is such a great post!! I think this is something that is hard for most women...myself included!!
    Thanks for linking up to the GFC Hop!!
    New follower!
    XOXO, Leslie

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  13. I believe if we give honor and preference to one another and seek to serve, it creates a beautiful picture of how Christ humbled himself. Definitely though, the man is in the role as leader, and we are called to be his Help and cheerleader.

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  14. This topic is a difficult one for many women. I am glad you shared how beautiful it all works when we live within God's guidelines.
    I grew up in the 70's era when we were taught we had come a long way baby and submission was a dirty word. It's taking me a lifetime to relearn some things.

    (I'm stopping over from Hearts for Home BlogHop)

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  15. We use our gifts from the Lord to help them to be wonderful leaders in whatever ways that they are capable of. It takes time to develop this, but it is nothing but blessing when you do! Even with a major disability, I am still able to let my husband lead in whatever ways he is still able to by doing the above. He is a blessing to me.

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  16. I just read that post up above from Karrie and I love your response. Sometimes we women think the only way for our husbands to lead is if they make all the decisions and all that.
    But I am learning that sometimes by me taking over and doing things that hubby don't wish to do, or don't have time for is still letting him lead. He has stated that he would rather I take charge on different things, and my doing it, is submission.
    We are all very different, yes?

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  17. Yes, exactly, Kendra. Well said! Thanks for visiting!
    Blessings,
    Jess

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  18. So happy you've been linking up at Marriage Mondays so I could find your site. Great posts!

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  19. Great and important post! Thanks for sharing. Found you on the Welcome Home Wednesday link up.

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  20. This was a great post! I loved your honest and transparent testimony. Thanks so much for sharing your heart and your experience! Like you, I learned so much the hard way! Thankfully, God doesn't give up on us -- He keeps teaching and turning our hearts toward his ways! I pray that many young women will read your testimony and realize the wisdom of following God's pattern for marriage.

    blessings,
    Elizabeth

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  21. Hi Jess, I'm new to your blog and I love it! Ironically, I've been thinking a lot about submission in marriage recently, and your thoughts echo many of mine. I really appreciate your challenge here and I'm so glad you've linked it up at Wedded Wed. I hope to see you again next week!

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  22. Understanding submission can be difficult. Some see it as being a doormat (and, when done incorrectly, it can be), but they are wrong. Godly submission is both God-honoring and building for both the husband AND the wife!

    God has taught you some wonderful and rich truths about how submission should be worked out in your marriage. Very good post and thank you for sharing it and linking up at Teaching What Is Good.

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  23. I love your response to the above comment from Karrie. Submission will look different in every marriage. My husband wants and expects me to make decisions in the home without dragging him into every one of them. But he also wants to know that his opinion is valued and his authority is respected. Thanks so much for linking this post up with me at Walking Redeemed last week!

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  24. This is probably one of the things I struggle with most. I married later in life - and both my husband and I lived on our own for several years before getting married - so we are both quite independent. I am learning, little by little, to let him _____ (insert here). So often I want to make sure I "hold up my end" - when he all he's trying to do is help lighten my load. I have a strong sense of responsibility - that while is good, sometimes robs both of us the joy of giving and receiving.

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